I exhaled.... then my world fell apart

I finally got pregnant and this weekend I relived the nightmare of miscarrying again. It was on the 14th that I took the pregnancy test. I had completely missed my period and I just had a feeling. When the second line appeared, I fell to my knees and thanked God for this incredible blessing. We had waited so long. I ran in to show Adam and he thought it was another negative because I couldn't stop crying. The excitement slowly started to turn into worry. As anyone who has experienced a miscarriage knows, you start to count down the days until you reach the safe zone. You start to notice every little pain, you can't stop looking for blood. I stopped sleeping very well because I was afraid I would awake to live my biggest fear. Time goes by and I have to keep telling myself that I only have a 13% chance of losing this one. It started to drive me insane. I felt paralyzed because what if I mess this up. I can't loss this one. I want this baby with my whole heart. It was complete hell.
I passed the 6 week mark and things still seemed good. I think this is going to work. 5 days later and out of nowhere my worst fear in the entire world surfaced. There was the dreaded streak of blood. I feel to the floor in disbelief. How could this be happening again? Why does God give this hope and then smash it. You can bleed and still have the baby, but deep down inside I knew. I lived through this trial by going to the bathroom with the lights off and my iPod on so I wouldn't have to see all the blood or hear the splatter of my precious little one falling into the toilet. I longed for my baby and now I had to feel it being ripped out from the inside of me. I pray that none of you ever have to go through this, especially twice. Adam was amazing. He did everything for me including checking to see if I was bleeding enough to go to the hospital. I didn't want to see the blood.
After we had both cried our eyes out, there was an amazing peace that came into our home.
We have always tossed around the idea of adoption but it was always a future thought and somewhat of a back up plan. However it came in really strong for the both of us. Now on what should have been the worst day of our lives, we were happy and calm.
There is no explanation as to why we haven't been able to be successful at the baby making. We could try again, but I feel like our kids will come into the world another way. We're really happy. Isn't it amazing how even your biggest fears can turn into an amazing gift from our Heavenly Father?
The adoption process will be long and hard, but I know it will all work out. Our first step is to pay off our credit cards and get into a house by the end of the year. We also need to raise the money for the adoption cost which will take some time. I'm sure I'll be writing more on how you can all help with this in the future. Then there is the paperwork and the adoption classes. Our goal is to have everything set and be waiting a year from now. We are so incredibly happy about our decision. If there is anyone with any advice, please comment. So it's official....We are going to adopt!!!!!