Have you ever just been done with a trial, too emotionally weak to even care anymore? I am now on month #3 of failure and things won't stop spinning. Every cycle brings relief of not having to face another pregnancy followed by severe disappointment of my dreams coming to a crashing halt yet again. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I'm not sure on what to do next. I could go to my mom, oh but wait she's busy raising her success. My sister, nope she's pretty much ready to pop any day. My friends, they all have kids now or are pregnant. Even the ones who have had miscarriages now have babies. I talk to Adam, but he's a guy and it really hard for him to understand why I get so upset about facebook statuses or the good news minute at church. Adoption is so filled with politics that I'm not ready to work through right now. Is it time to move on? Should I shut this door for a few years? I'm just really tired and frustrated.
Speaking of which...
Congrats to Our nephew Joshua and his wife Nicole on their baby boy due in September.
2 comments:
This is a hard one because I know I am one of those friends that has a child. I will support you with any decision you make and will be there for whatever happens from that decision (good or bad) you know that too. This is a hard thing to go through and it just seems like everything else is going so well for everyone else, and all the bad is coming your way! I have prayed every night for you and Adam ever since the first miscarriage and I will for as long as you need it (which will be forever).
I do believe that this will happen for you! I know you don't like to hear it and it is said all the time, but I would hope that coming from me it means something to you.
I die inside every time I hear about your misfortunes and I don't understand how such sweet people like you two can have so many. I am tearing up as I type this. I hope reading this gives you comfort and you know the love all three of us have for you.
Sorry so long...I just had to get it all out!
Amber
Cassie - I've been thinking a lot about this recently because I just found out my brother and his wife have just had their second invitro failure. They haven't told us they were even trying so it's hard to be sensitive about a subject that I'm sure kills them.
I don't envy your struggles. The closest I get to understanding was that I didn't get to meet my husband till I was 32, so I had to wait for my kids for way longer than I wanted.
Sadly, I know way too many people who long for this and don't get it. Maybe it's supposed to teach me how to be compassionate, eh?
Just remember that Heavenly Father knows you and Adam. He knows the desires of your heart and He knows who is meant to be with you. I feel very strongly that there are kids out there waiting for you. Somehow they'll get to you, whether that's by your own pregnancy or someone else's.
Please know that you are loved. And of course we'll support you in any way we can. You're beautiful.
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