The Remedy

Thank you all who have left comments, they have helped me see an outside perspective. Keep it coming, I love comments!!

So remember how toward the end of the movie Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan's character talks about her life being full of a venom that has to be sucked out of the wound? That's how I feel about the last two years. My inability to produce a healthy baby has made me jealous, bitchy, and depressed. It has taken some major blows to a few friendships, my faith, and my marriage. I hate that I completely overreact and let my sensitivity overpower my brain.
So here is what I think, my dream of becoming a mother needs to be put on the back burner for a few years. I have so much to improve on before I become the great mother a baby deserves.

So here is where I'm going to put my focus...

Mental

Work really hard in school
Brush up on my French
Dust off my viola and start playing again

Physical

Train for the half marathon
Start incorporating intervals and Pilates into my workouts
Lose 10 lbs of fat
Gain 5 lbs of muscle so I can have hot arms like Jillian Michaels
Eat better, I've already talked about that
Get enough quality sleep
Drink more water

Spiritual

This is probably going to be the hardest, I want to go back to church (all of it)
Scripture Study
Prayer
Try not to slit my wrists when every lesson turns into a family is forever speech.
Convince my visiting teacher that I'm not scary.


Personal

Dress like Miranda Kerr
Dance everyday
Sing louder
Speak my mind when I need to
Read books that aren't required for school
Personal Training Studio here I come
Stop being so hard on myself
Be more organized

Social

Smile at strangers
Party on the weekends
Make more friends (you can never have too many)
Do more exciting things

Thank you all for your patience during my emotional freak out session. I think with time things will go back to being normal.